


The Stress of a Secret

by fortify_countrye



Category: VIXX
Genre: M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-09
Packaged: 2018-04-13 13:28:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4523799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fortify_countrye/pseuds/fortify_countrye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leo has a secret that he suddenly feels like he needs to hide. N tries to help, but it's Ravi that Leo opens up to. I am bad at summaries...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Promise

**Author's Note:**

> This was first posted on AFF

Chapter 1 – A Promise

N liked to think that if his members had any problems they’d come talk to him right away. He knew it was harder for some people to open up to others, like Hongbin, and that some people liked to try solve things themselves first, like Ravi. Despite this, he wanted his members to rely on him when they weren’t at their best.  
N had been watching Leo for a few weeks now, becoming more and more concerned as the time went by. It was true that compared to a lot of people, Leo was quiet. He was camera shy and nervous around new people and situations, but he wasn’t afraid to tell the other members his thoughts about something that troubled him. However, N had quickly realized not long after meeting him, that that was only for things concerning work. Leo had never sought help for something that had bothered him personally before, or even mentioned that something was wrong.  
As the weeks passed, N noted Leo was slightly more withdrawn around the other members, especially if there were cameras around, and that he tried to avoid skinship even more than usual. He practically pushed Ken to the ground when he’d wrapped an arm around Leo’s shoulder.  
The result had been Leo, with an expression of both embarrassment and remorse, three members who stood in utter shock, a confused and hurt main vocal, and a leader who had had enough. N wanted to get to the bottom of this quickly so that their inner-group dynamics weren’t torn up further. 

To his luck there came a rare opportunity when they were allowed to finish practice early. None of them had schedules until late the following day, so when Ravi suggested on the ride home, that they go see a movie and eat a bunch of junk food, most members were on board. Only Leo protested, saying he wanted to stay in. It wasn’t that rare for Leo to say something along those lines, and these days it was pretty much expected.  
N jumped at the opportunity though. “Me too,” he whined. “I’m really tired and I have to do the radio show tomorrow night. I want to rest a bit.”  
Hyuk protested loudly with a groan about how old N is getting. Hongbin and Ken high-fived, jokingly remarking that it would be more fun without Njumma hanging around nagging. Ravi frowned.  
“But, hyung,” he started, about to point out that N had just been complaining he was bored. However he caught the look in his leader’s eye and changed what he was going to say. “Maybe you should rest, you work harder than all of us.”  
The younger members changed their tune quickly, agreeing that N should rest, so that he wouldn’t come with them. They’d since arrived at the dorm building and were climbing into the elevator.  
Leo disappears into the bathroom as soon as they enter the dorm while the other members quickly change clothes and gather at the front door, putting on shoes.  
“You four enjoy your night,” N says as he watches them get ready. “Don’t eat too much though.”  
Ravi ushers the members out the door with a grin at his hyung. “We won’t.”  
N changes his clothes but then lingered in the bedroom waiting for Leo. When Leo walks into the room, he takes one look at N, hastily averts his gaze and heads for the couch instead. He doesn’t look at all pleased when N follows him.  
For almost five minutes N just sits next to his member and stares at him. Leo does his best to ignore the leader but finally he makes eye contact. “What?” he asks.  
“We need to talk.”  
That small phrase alone is enough to make Leo look visibly more uncomfortable. He doesn’t answer N though.  
“I want you to talk to me about why you’re avoiding us,” N elaborates.  
Leo’s eyes are fixed on the floor, and he’s biting his lip as subtly as he can, hoping N can’t see it. N can though, and he purses his own lips with minor annoyance.  
“There’s no reason.”  
N feels like pointing out that Leo had just admitted to avoiding the members but figured it wasn’t a good time to start attacking him.  
“Did somebody do something to make you uncomfortable?” N prods, beginning to list the things he figured would make Leo act this way.  
“No.”  
“Did somebody say something to make you uncomfortable?”  
“No… Why are you asking me this?” Leo questions, finally looking at N again.  
“I want you to talk to me,” N says truthfully. “I just want to help you.”  
Leo’s eyes harden a little but not enough for N to feel like he’s blown the whole opportunity to get answers. Once again Leo looks back at the floor.  
“There’s nothing to talk about,” he insists. “And I don’t need any help.”  
N leans back into the couch and takes a deep breath. Leo thinks he might have dropped the subject, but then N starts with his questions again.  
“Are you having trouble with your schedule?”  
“No.”  
“Are you injured?”  
“No.”  
N narrows his eyes at his member. “Did you hurt yourself and just won’t say?”  
“No,” Leo practically sighs. He’s hoping that if he answers all of N’s questions, he’ll be left alone.  
“Is it the new song? Because Hyukie has more lines now?”  
“No, it’s good that Hyuk is getting more lines.”  
“What about Hongbin?”  
“He should also get more lines.”  
“So you don’t want to be main vocal anymore?”  
Leo’s eyes snap to N’s with a frown, he’s getting annoyed now. “Stop twisting what I’m saying.”  
N also frowns. “Why won’t you tell me?”  
Leo holds back a groan. “I told you there’s nothing to tell.”  
“Are you sexually frustrated?”  
“What?” Leo almost chokes, completely caught off-guard. He hadn’t expected N to go in this direction with the questioning. His face heats instantly and N takes this as a sign that he’s on the right track.  
“Are you having girl trouble?”  
“No!” Leo tries to stand up and leave but N grabs his wrist tightly.  
“That’s it isn’t it? You’re having trouble with a girl!”  
“No it isn’t! Let go!” Leo attempts to free his wrist from N’s grip but fails. He shoots to his feet, hoping that the sudden movement will make N let go, but N simple comes with him.  
“Let go!” he cries again, his face becoming more and more red. He knows he’s physically stronger than N, but he really doesn’t want to use force on him.  
Leo continues to try and pull his arm free from N, but N has him with both hands and isn’t as weak as he looks. Leo drops his head.  
“Let go,” he tries to say again, but it comes out as a whisper.  
Leo feels like crying. He feels cornered. He feels like running away. He feels ashamed that he feels like this at all. Why couldn’t he have just made up an excuse to tell N? He could have said he was tired from their busy schedule, preparing for their comeback. That he was a little bothered by the teasing he’d received on the variety show they’d recently been on. He could have just said that he was having girl troubles.  
Leo feels so weak and ashamed of himself, but he can’t stop himself as he sinks down to the floor, hiding his face in his free hand and trying to hold back a sob.

 

N feels horrible. He knew he’d been pushing Leo too much with the questions, that it would just make him withdraw more. But he’d been so annoyed that Leo refused to tell him anything. He knew he’d crossed the line instantly with the sexually frustrated questions. He should have backed off and apologised, and hoped that Leo would come around if and when he was ready. But he’d charged on ahead, frustrated and annoyed and a little hurt too.  
But now N just feels horrible as he first watches Leo’s head drop and then as he sinks to the floor, his arm still being held up by N.  
N’s heart almost breaks when he hears that first soft sob. He drops down in front of Leo, apologising with all that’s within him and holding back his own tears. “Leo, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”  
It just makes him cry harder though. N tugs Leo tugs back to his feet and wraps his arms around him. Leo does his best to pull away but N is having none of it and clings tightly. Eventually Leo just stops fighting back and stands crying into the leader’s shoulder.

When Leo stops sobbing, N pulls back and brushes his fingers across his member’s cheeks. Leo tries to avoid it but barely puts up a fight at all. N swallows at the lump in his throat and makes Leo look at him.  
“I’m really sorry,” he says.  
Leo starts to drop his head but N doesn’t let him. He places his hands on either side of Leo’s head and gently pulls it back up, thumbs brushing away the fresh tears.  
“Look at me,” he murmurs.  
Leo reluctantly opens his eyes and meets N’s gaze.  
“You once told me that if I’m overwhelmed, if I need someone to lean on, that you’d be there to help no matter what. I want you to know that I’m here for you too. You can tell me anything. It doesn’t matter what it’s about, or what you think I’ll say on the matter, I’ll always be here to support you. Always. And not just as the leader, but as your friend.”  
This time N let’s Leo drop his head, and he’s a little surprised when Leo wraps his arms around him, burying his head back in his shoulder again. N returns the embrace, gently patting his member on the back and telling him that everything is alright.  
It takes less time for Leo to calm down this time and he pulls away, rubbing his face with his hands. N can tell that Leo is embarrassed now that he’s calmed down. Despite this N smiles and pats the side of his face.  
“When you’re ready to talk about what’s bothering you, come see me okay?”  
Leo avoids his gaze but gives a tiny nod before making his way to the room. N sinks onto the couch and buries his face in his hands. He regrets how things happened but he doesn’t hate the end result. He always feels better after a good cry, lighter and a little more accepting of how things are. He hopes Leo feels that way too.

Leo crawls into his bed with his music and his phone. His chest and throat feel tight and his eyes are sore from crying, but he kind of feels like maybe this was for the better. He’s never cried full out like that in front of anyone before. Not with full out sobbing. Nobody has ever given him such unconditional love before, though. A promise not to judge. It sort of took him by surprise. But then at the same time, he’s not surprised that it was from N. Because N is a really good leader and friend, despite what the members say.  
Leo sighs and closes his eyes as the music begins the play. He hopes that one day he’ll feel comfortable telling N what’s bothering him, and that N really will be the support he promised to be.


	2. Ideal Girl

Chapter 2 – Ideal Girl

“That was VIXX’s new song. I hope you enjoyed it well. VIXX has just made their first comeback in six months. This is the second time they’ve had such a big break between songs. Let’s find out what the members of VIXX have been up to in the meantime, shall we?”  
The six members sat around the table comfortably. The first half of the show had gone very smoothly. They’d talked about the new song, played a game and dealt out the punishment. They’d played a few of their songs during the short breaks from the show and the atmosphere was good. N was really glad.  
They’d gotten good at being on the radio. One person talking at a time, others laughing and providing support when it was needed.  
“How is your radio show going, N-ssi?” the host asks.  
N smiles. “It’s going really well. I’m having a lot of fun and my seniors are teaching me a lot.”  
“You’re also going to be appearing in a new drama soon. This will be your second drama correct?”  
“That’s right. I’m going to be portraying the lead character’s love interest. Please look forward to it.”  
N clasps his hands and bows towards the camera.  
“We are,” the host says. “Hongbin-ssi is also in a drama at the moment. Are you enjoying it?”  
“Yeah,” Hongbin grins. “It’s a lot of fun and I’m still learning. I hope to continue acting in the future.”  
“Good, good. Hyuk-ssi, you’ll be appearing in your second movie soon?”  
“Yeah.”  
“What’s genre is this one going to be?”  
“It’s a romantic comedy this time.”  
“Do you get a love interest?”  
“Um, yeah,” the maknae chuckles, obviously withholding information he found funny.  
“He’s refused to tell us anything about it!” N whines.  
The other members agree and Hyuk laughs. He’s been told to keep the plot and characters a secret. The most the public knew about it was who was in it, and that it was a romantic comedy.  
“Ah, the youngest is getting the good roles, indeed,” the host nods wisely.  
The other members nod as well, feeling proud of each other nonetheless.  
“Ken-ssi, you’re in a musical right now? What’s it about?”  
“Yep. I’m in a musical about a bunch of orphans who get taken in by a young businessman who later adopts them.”  
“Ah, that sounds interesting. It’s a new musical, isn’t it?”  
“Yes, it’s the first time it’s being performed.”  
“That’s exciting!”  
Ken grins at the host and throws a peace sign towards the camera.  
“Ravi-ssi.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Tell us what you’ve been up to since your last comeback.”  
“I’m currently on a show with a bunch of rappers from different groups. We’re split into teams and have to write a rap about that week’s theme. The group that performs the best gets a prize and the losers are punished.”  
“Is it fun?”  
“It’s lots of fun and I’m learning a lot of different styles from everyone. I hope I can use this to continue writing better raps for our songs and the fans.”  
Until this point the host had been okay with Leo being mostly silent. Besides graciously participating in the game and punishment, Leo hadn’t offered much himself. The host had asked Leo some questions earlier on, but for the most part had left him alone with very minimal teasing.  
“Leo-ssi, what are you doing right now?”  
“I’m in a musical.”  
“A different one from Ken?”  
“Yes.”  
“You’re the lead, right?”  
“That’s right.”  
“What does your character do?”  
“He’s in a number of disputes with different people.”  
“Like who?”  
“His boss, his family, and his fiancé.”  
“He has a fiancé?”  
“Yes.”  
“What type of girl is she?”  
“She’s working hard so that he doesn’t have to feel obligated to pay for everything.”  
“Do you like girls like that?”  
“Pardon?”  
“Is that the kind of girl you like, also?”  
The other members have gone quiet now, not ever making small remarks or laughing. N, refusing to let the atmosphere be ruined, laughs and makes a joke about how surprised Leo looks.  
“Yes, he did look surprised, didn’t he?” the host laughs too. “What kind of girls do you like Leo?”  
The members watch as Leo’s face heats up, struggling to answer as he fans at himself.  
“Are you like Ravi? Is any girl okay with you?” the host prompts.  
Leo’s eyes lock with N, pleading for help. N doesn’t know why Leo has frozen, he’s answered this question before in the past, always with a sweet and convincing answer.  
“Leo said last time that he likes a girl who he can talk to,” N says, trying to use Leo’s most recent response to the question.  
The other members nod and make remarks and Leo bows his head and silently thanks N. 

“Leo, the other members have all revealed their ideal girl. Do you have an ideal girl?”  
“My ideal is someone I can talk to.”  
“Ah, that sounds so simple, but for you it must be an important thing. Is that all?”  
“Someone I can comfortable be myself around, yes.”  
“A celebrity, or?”  
“As long as I can be myself comfortably around them.”  
“I see. Well, there you have it, Leo’s ideal girl.”

“A girl he can talk to?” the host asks. “Leo isn’t really the type to talk a lot though, is he?”  
“Leo is camera shy. He’s more talkative when he’s off camera, or when it’s about something that interests him,” Ravi says.  
“He’s still not hugely talkative though,” Ken adds.  
“I see, I see. So having a girl you can talk to is your goal?”  
“Goal?” Leo asks.  
“Is that what you’re looking for, for the future?”  
“Ah, something like that,” Leo says with an uneasy smile.  
“Well that’s okay too. As long as both you and the girl are happy.”  
Leo is withdrawn for the rest of the show but only N and Ravi really seem to take note of it. N starts to worry about it. Was this the same thing that had brought Leo down last time? Leo had never opened up about that. After their talk Leo had put more effort into being with the members, even if it had made him a little uncomfortable. It was like he wasn’t sure how to act or what the boundaries were all of a sudden. N was still dying to know.

They go straight to practice after the show. Their comeback stage was two weeks ago now and they don’t have another stage until next week, but they practice every day anyway.  
When they arrive N wants to start group dance practice right away but Leo says he needs to use the toilet first and leaves. The other members gather around Hyuk who has commandeered the sound system, but Ravi says that he needs to use the toilet also and follows the older member from the room.  
N watches him go and is tempted to follow, knowing that Ravi is probably going to check on Leo and that Leo was acting weird. But he doesn’t because the other members might start to think something is going on if two of them go after Leo.

Ravi knew that Leo was upset during the show. He’d seen his hyung’s hand clenched on his knee, shaking slightly as the questions kept coming. Ravi had also figured out that N and Leo had had a fight and made up while he and the rest of the members were at the movies. He’d been tempted to ask N, but knew that N had probably tried to talk to Leo about whatever was bothering him.  
Ravi had his suspicions about what that might just be too, but didn’t want to ask Leo in case he felt pressured or attacked. Ravi wanted to tell Leo that he was always on his side, but that might just make Leo feel the same way as confronting him, so he wouldn’t unless the time was right.  
When Ravi entered the bathroom Leo was washing his face. When he looked up and saw Ravi standing there he seemed unsettled.  
“Everything okay, hyung?” Ravi asked, trying to sound cheerful. He could see, despite the water still clinging to his face, that Leo had been crying.  
“Because during the show he said –”  
“Everything is fine,” Leo cuts him off, afraid to hear how Ravi was going to end that sentence.  
“Good,” the younger smiles.  
He starts back out the door. “If you ever need to talk about anything I’m here, though,” he adds as casually as he can while he leaves.  
Ravi arrives back to the others and joins them around the tablet they were now staring at. He pointedly ignores N’s questioning gaze.  
Leo looks a lot more composed when he comes back into the room. He’s holding a can of coffee that Hongbin glares at.  
“We’re on a diet, you know, hyung,” he says.  
“One won’t matter,” Leo mutters.  
“He’s right,” N agrees. “We should all have a drink we like tonight.”  
“You just want banana milk, hyung,” Ken points out.  
N denies it with a passion but they all know it’s true.


	3. The First to Know

Chapter 3 – The First to Know

Leo groans as a body presses up against his own. He knows it’s N because right now everybody else is pissed at him. It was his own fault, really, for yelling at them the way he did after they’d gotten too clingy. He’d made it so they’d have to reshoot a whole episode of Diary, since that one was way too awkward to use now.  
“Wake up,” the member says. To Leo’s complete and utter surprise, it isn’t N. It’s Ravi.  
He sits up, pushing Ravi away as he does. Ravi springs to his feet and pats his hyung’s hair, making sure it falls the right way.   
“You’re so cute, hyung,” he says.  
Leo glares up at the younger man before climbing to his feet and storming towards the bathroom. Behind him Ravi laughs and heads to the lounge room. He knows he’s pushing his luck already, especially if he’s right about what’s bothering Leo. He’s actually pretty certain at this point.  
“Where’s N?” Leo asks after washing his face.  
“He’s at a schedule,” Ravi supplies, watching Leo boil the kettle.  
“And the others?”  
“Schedules. It’s just you and me today, hyung.”   
Leo’s relieved he doesn’t have a schedule today. His musical finished last week, but Ken still has two more shows. Hyuk, Hongbin and N are filming today. It would be quiet with just Ravi, and he really needed some quiet.  
“What should we do?” Ravi asks as Leo sits on the couch with his coffee.  
“Work.”  
“Come on, hyung,” Ravi whines. “Let’s do something fun today!”  
Leo throws his dongsaeng a look. He knows how serious Ravi is about his work. It was rare for him to blow off work for fun. But he feels he owes his dongsaeng an apology and isn’t sure how to begin, so he indulges him instead.  
“What do you want to do?” Leo asks.  
“Let’s go play baseball.”  
Leo agrees easily enough at the mention of playing sport. They both get dressed and start for the batting cages they used to visit now and then.

Leo insists on paying, which both vexes Ravi, and delights him. They take turns batting for almost two hours, trying to do better than the other. Eventually they get bored of it though.  
“Let’s get lunch,” Leo suggests after his turn.  
“Sounds good,” Ravi agrees, actually starving.  
They put the equipment away and start for the door.  
“Hyung, that guy is staring at you,” Ravi points out, nodding towards a man who was probably in his late teens. Ravi had noticed the man maybe an hour earlier when he’d been outright staring at Leo batting.   
Ravi is right, the man is once again staring intently at Leo. He looks a little dazed. Leo looks over and their eyes meet for a second before Leo’s cheeks flame. He drops his head and Ravi is a little surprised by such a strong reaction. He had known what he was pointing out, he’d done it to tease Leo after all. But really his hyung was being obvious about something he wanted secret.  
“Lunch,” Ravi announces, trying to change the mood back. “Where should we have it?”  
“Anything will do,” Leo answers, leading the way outside.  
“I want Italian.”  
It’s a bleak day, threatening to rain at any second. Luckily for them this meant that not many people were hanging around. Not that this area was particularly busy, but they’d prefer not to get recognised.  
They enter a small Italian restaurant just as it starts to rain. It’s pretty empty inside, which is nice and quiet. They take their seats to choose what they want.  
When they have decided they make their way to the counter since this restaurant doesn’t offer table service.  
“What can I get you two?” the lady behind the counter asks. She’s middle aged and doesn’t give them a second glance.  
“I’ll have the fettuccini carbonara,” Leo says.  
“Small or medium?”  
“Medium,” he answers instantly. “What are you having, Ravi?”  
“Is this a date?” Ravi asks offhandedly.  
Leo blinks once at Ravi before his cheeks turn bright pink. The lady at the counter’s cheeks do the same.  
Ravi regrets his words instantly. Or the way he said it, anyway. It didn’t come out the right way. He’d meant it as a way to get Leo to stop paying. “Spaghetti bolognaise, medium.”  
Leo pays for their meals in silence and they go back to their table with their cutlery. Leo is staring at the salt shaker, cheeks still red.  
“H-hyung,” Ravi mutters. “I didn’t… I meant… Because you’re paying for everything today. N-not because, not because you’re –”  
Leo’s utterly terrified expression cuts him off. Ravi reaches out and taps the back of his hyung’s hand.  
“Sorry. I would never say something like that and mean –”  
“It’s okay,” Leo says, cutting him off again. “I thought you might know… from last time.”  
It takes Ravi a second to realise that Leo is talking about the time in the bathroom, not about just earlier when Ravi had teased him.  
“Aha, yeah,” Ravi laughs nervously. “I figured it out and wanted you to know it was okay but I didn’t want to just say it because you didn’t want to talk about it and I didn’t –”  
“Are you trying to do freestyle right now?” Leo reaches out and pats his dongsaeng on the head. “Breath when you talk.”  
“Yes, hyung.”  
Ravi can see that Leo is both scared and relieved, there’s a small smile on his lips and his shoulders look more relaxed. Has has a feeling he’s the first person to know that Leo is gay, or he was the first person to take it well. Either way, it made Ravi feel a little sad.  
When their number is called out, Ravi jumps up to grab their meals, refusing to let Leo help. “You paid for it, you can just sit and enjoy it,” he says as he comes back.  
“Thanks,” Leo says, twirling some pasta on his fork.  
“Hyung,” Ravi hesitates. “Can I ask why you’re paying for everything?”  
Leo’s eyes don’t lift from his food but at least his face stays the colour it should be. “I wanted to apologise.”  
“For?”  
“The other day, when I yelled at you and ruined the Diary episode.”  
Leo looks abashed as he admits it.   
“You’re really cute, Hyung.”  
“Stop that,” Leo scolds, his cheeks once again beginning to glow.   
Ravi laughs, covering his mouth. When he stops laughing, he finally begins eating.   
“Everyone already forgave you anyway,” he says. “And N-hyung told us off for bothering you.”  
“I’m still sorry,” Leo mutters.”  
“It’s really okay,” Ravi insists. “I think if you told them they’d –”  
“No.”  
Ravi isn’t surprised by the answer, and he doesn’t plan to really push his point. But he does say what he thinks would be best. “You should tell N-hyung.”  
Leo doesn’t reply and continues eating his pasta in silence. Ravi doesn’t mind and let’s Leo have his thoughts.

They’re walking home when Ravi finally speaks again. “Sorry for teasing you at the batting cages, with that guy.”  
For the millionth time today Leo’s cheeks flare up.  
“So cute,” Ravi grins, receiving a pinch in return. “He was cute, wasn’t he? Pretty young though.”  
“Ya, Ravi,” Leo warns.  
“Sorry,” Ravi apologises once again. “You were pretty obvious about it though.”  
Once again the answer is a pinch. Ravi opens his mouth to apologise for teasing again, but Leo ruffles his hair to let him know that it’s okay.  
“Is it okay to talk to you about it?” Ravi asks when they’re almost home.  
“Only if it’s just us,” Leo answers.


	4. A Good Day

Chapter 4 – A Good Day

N is surprised when he walks out of their bedroom one day to find Leo and Ravi practically cuddling. Okay, not quite cuddling. Leo is lying on the couch, his attention entirely on his phone. His head is on Ravi’s lap and Ravi is gently playing with his fringe. Ravi’s attention is solely on the television which is playing the most recent episode of the show he’s on. N thought it must be a recording since it usually aired late at night.  
N is surprised, but then he questions whether he should be. Before Leo suddenly withdrew from them a few months ago, he’d been cuddly sometimes. And everybody knew he was a hugger.  
Hyuk is sitting at their table, slowly devouring a bowl of cereal, sleepy eyes trained on Hongbin’s foot. Hongbin had tipped sideways after finishing his breakfast. He was on his back with one foot slung over the other knee, bouncing it to an imagined beat.  
“Where’s Ken?” he asks, approaching them.  
“We’re out of milk, he ran to the convenience store,” Hongbin supplies.   
Hyuk yawns hugely before looking up at N. “’Morning, hyung.”  
N’s eyes drift over to Ravi and Leo again. Hyuk must have noticed because he was grinning when N looked back at him.  
“Leo-hyung is in a good mood today.”  
“Good,” is all N can think to reply with.

Their day turns into a pretty normal one after that. They go to practice and work on their own things. They do a little bit of dance practice, trying to fix Ken’s awkward arm motion and the step Hongbin keeps mistiming. It’s late when they get home.  
Leo is the first to shower, everyone lets him, not wanting to be the one that ruins his good mood. Overall, everybody had been in a great mood all day. They’d sort of gravitated towards Leo but had been careful not to get too touchy-feely, since that was what had pissed him off the most recently. It hadn’t ended up being that big of a deal because Leo had been sure to initiate some sort of contact with each member throughout the day.  
While Leo showers, Hyuk, Hongbin and Ken take over the couch, flicking between a drama none of them were interested in, and a variety show they didn’t like the host of. Ravi got himself a drink of water and went into his room. N, curious about Leo’s sudden change, follows him.  
“What’s up, hyung?” Ravi asks, turning on his laptop to work on a song he was feeling good about.  
“Did Leo talk to you about something the other day? When you went out together?”   
Ravi looks up at his hyung and smiles a bit. “Yeah, why?”  
“What was it about?”  
“If he wanted you to know, he’d tell you. I kind of guessed though, he didn’t really tell me. I sort of forced it out.”  
N narrows his eyes at the dongsaeng. “Tell me.”  
“No, hyung.”  
N groans and collapses onto Ravi’s bed next to him. “Why won’t he talk to me?”  
“He will when he’s ready,” Ravi says, patting N on the shoulder.  
N sighs and sits up. “Let me hear your song? It sounded good today.”  
“Alright, but it still needs some work...”

Leo pops his head in several minutes later, he looks at N suspiciously but Ravi shakes his head. He joins the two of them as the shower starts up again.   
“How did it turn out?” Leo asks Ravi. He’d been the one working on the song with Ravi.  
“Better than I thought, I want to change the chorus a little.”  
Leo nods and they listen to the song. N hesitantly reaches up to brush the damp hair away from Leo’s neck. Leo is surprised by the motion but lets him do it.  
They listen to a few more of Ravi’s songs before he puts a movie on. Leo is scrolling through his phone, a frown growing stronger as he goes. Ravi sees but he doesn’t say anything because N is there. He hopes Leo isn’t letting comments get to him again.  
All three members want to sleep, but it was impossible with the shower going and with members wandering around. They can hear Hyuk and Ken laughing and Hongbin is in the shower.  
Leo didn’t even realise he’d fallen asleep until he woke up with his head on N’s lap. Like this morning with Ravi, the other member was playing with his hair. He feels his cheeks begin to heat and pulls away, sitting up.  
“Is everyone finished showering yet?” he mumbles, messing his hair.  
N smiles at him. “Hyukie is in there now.”  
Leo says nothing more, just gets to his feet and heads for bed.  
Ravi raises an eyebrow in question and N frowns.

Leo’s good mood from the previous day is nowhere to be seen at breakfast. The other members know instantly and Leo feels bad for bringing the mood down. Only N is brave enough to pat Leo on the head and say that it’s okay and Ravi smiles at him, telling him not to worry about it. It makes him feel marginally better but just makes the other member’s curious.  
They go to practice and dance. By the time they’re finished, it’s perfect and they’re proud, feeling ready for their comeback. For the most part their individual schedules were finished. Leo and Ken had finished their musicals, Hyuk’s movie was in the final days of filming, apparently only the end scene remained, and Hongbin’s drama was about to air its last episode. Only Ravi’s rapping show – which was nearing the end of the season and would have a cast swap – and N’s drama and radio show remained. They were all tired but excited for their comeback.  
Their comeback stage is in two weeks but they start promoting next week with an appearance on a variety show. N is dreading it a little, preparing for the teasing he and Leo will undoubtedly receive. He doesn’t want Leo to pull away from them again now that he’s coming back bit by bit.  
He hopes the show turns out okay.


	5. An Issue?

Chapter 5 – An Issue?

“Hyung?” Hyuk calls as he enters the apartment. “N-hyung?!”  
From what he can see the dorm is empty. Did N have a schedule today? He didn’t know.   
“Hyung?” he calls one more time just to make sure, kicking his shoes off messily.   
Leo, who had been working in his room, pops his head out the door and stares at Hyuk. “Is something wrong?”  
Hyuk is surprised to see Leo. He could have sworn that Leo had a schedule today. Did he get Leo and N’s schedules mixed up? Hyuk debates with himself whether or not he should just tell Leo about what’s bothering him. He wants to talk to someone. N is his first choice, Ravi his second.  
“Hyukie?” Leo asks, coming out of the bedroom entirely.  
Hyuk decides. “Can I talk to you about something?”  
Leo looks surprised but nods, motioning for Hyuk to sit on the couch. He grabs them both a glass of water and joins him.   
“It’s about the movie I’m in,” Hyuk starts.   
“Did something happen?” Leo asks softly.  
“N-no… well, yes… but–” Hyuk cuts himself off. “I’ll start from the start.”  
He takes a moment of sorting out what he wants to say and Leo waits patiently. “Okay, you know how I haven’t told you anything about the movie at all? It’s because the director told us not to. He said there is a big twist at the end and he wants it to be a surprise for everybody.”  
Hyuk takes a breath and Leo urges him to continue.  
“Before filming started and the casting was still taking place, we got asked if we were willing to play gay characters, and we all said we were. We knew what the twist was going to be because of that.”  
Leo nods, not quite sure where this is going but already certain he won’t like the end result.  
“Anyway, we found out how the movie ends today and I’m really nervous!”  
“Why?”  
Once again Hyuk takes a deep breath. “I have to kiss a guy, hyung!”  
Leo’s a little surprised. The movie that Hyuk is in is supposed to be a mainstream movie. A romantic comedy girls will force their boyfriends to. If that is the way the movie ends then a lot of people are going to be unhappy to have it shoved in their face.  
“Is it…” Leo thinks of how to phrase his question before continuing. “Does it make a joke out of the kiss?”  
“No! It’s super dramatic and well done and cute! But I don’t know how to kiss a guy! I’ve barely kissed any girls!” Hyuk cries.  
“You’re so dramatic, Hyuk, maybe you should be in dramas instead of movies,” a sleepy voice says.  
The two members look up and see Ravi. His hair is a complete and total mess, and he’s only wearing pyjama bottoms.  
“I didn’t know you were here, Ravi-hyung!” Hyuk practically shouts.  
Ravi grins and attempts to fix his hair with his fingers. “I was asleep, but you’re so loud you woke me up. I also figured it was time to rescue Leo-hyung.”  
Leo glares at the younger member, only slightly offended that Ravi thought he needed ‘rescuing’ from the maknae. Despite that, he scoots down the couch so there is room for Ravi to sit between him and Hyuk.  
Ravi grins and sits down, patting Leo on the head. “You’re cute, hyung.”  
Leo stubbornly looks away. “Stop saying that.”  
Hyuk raises his eyebrows at the exchange but grins. “Help me, Ravi-hyung. What do I do?”  
Ravi eyes the maknae and pats Leo on the knee in a sort of comforting gesture. Leo didn’t even realise he needed any sort of comforting until then.   
“Why is it an issue that you need to kiss a guy?” Ravi asks.  
Both Hyuk and Leo look surprised by the question, though probably for different reasons.   
“I-I don’t know?” Hyuk responds, frowning. “Is it not an issue?”  
“No, it isn’t,” Ravi answers. His hand has stopped patting Leo and now instead is just sitting there.  
“But–”  
“Does it disgust you?” Ravi asks suddenly, cutting him off.  
“No!” Hyuk replies, looking mildly offended.  
Leo can’t help the little sigh that escapes his lips. On some level he’d really been scared that Hyuk was super anti-gay. But just because Hyuk accepted it from a distance didn’t mean that he’d be alright with one of the members of his group being gay.  
“Then it shouldn’t be a problem,” Ravi said simply. “Go to work, kiss the other guy, take it seriously like you would with a girl, ace the interviews on the topic, and become a good example.”  
“You’re making it sound really easy, but it isn’t,” Hyuk muttered. “Also, what do you mean interviews?’  
“Two of the characters end up being gay, you think there won’t be interviews?”  
“There are four gay characters.”  
Leo and Ravi blink at Hyuk. “Four?” they ask at the same time.  
“My character is with this girl throughout the movie and then at the end both of us end up with our best friends. So four.”  
“Ah.”  
“I can’t wait to see how they go about that,” Ravi grins.  
“It’s cute,” Hyuk defends.  
Ravi laughs. “Are you still nervous?”  
“Yes. I-I don’t want people to just me and make assumptions because of this movie.”  
Next to Ravi, Leo freezes. Ravi senses it immediately and laces his fingers with Leo’s. “If it really comes down to that, and I doubt it will, you can remind everybody that it is just a movie. You’re portraying a character, not acting as yourself.”  
“You’re right,” Hyuk sighs. He sinks down in the couch, cradling his glass of water. He’d pretty much finished it. “I’ll just have to take things as they come.”  
“That’s a good idea.”  
“I should go shower. Thanks for talking, hyungs.”   
Hyuk gets up, puts his glass in the sink and heads to the bathroom.  
Ravi leans back in the couch and puts his head on Leo’s shoulder. “Does it bother you?”  
“A little.”  
“Hyuk’s more open minded about this than I thought he would be.”  
“Mm.”  
“I’m really looking forward to his movie now.”  
“I don’t think the reception will be good.”  
“I think a lot more people are a lot more open minded than you think.”  
“You’re a little too optimistic about things like this,” Leo sighs.  
Ravi holds back his comment about Leo being pessimistic and instead squeezes Leo’s hand. They sit for a while, staring at the TV that wasn’t even turned on.  
“We have the variety show tomorrow, right? I really hope it goes well,” Ravi announces out of nowhere.   
“You have another schedule right after it, don’t you?” Leo asks.  
“Yeah, I’ll leave as soon as we finish.”  
“Mm.”  
They lapse back into silence and Ravi flicks on the TV, searching for something to watch before settling on the news. They hear Hyuk drop something in the shower and cursing but still remain sitting together.  
“Thanks,” Leo says suddenly when the shower shuts off.  
“What for?” Ravi asks, taking his head off Leo’s shoulder so he can look at him.   
Leo’s cheeks are tinged a light pink and there is a tiny smile on his lips. He shrugs. “Everything?”  
Ravi reaches up and runs his fingers through Leo’s hair. “Cute.”  
“Stop that,” Leo grumbles, cheeks flaming.


	6. Kissing Game

Chapter 6 – Kissing Game

“Hello, we are V-I-X-X, VIXX, nice to meet you!” they chant and bow.  
“Nice to meet you,” the two hosts greet.   
One is a woman, tall compared to most women, with the sort of body a runway model would have. The other is a short man a little on the pudgy side with glasses. Both are comedians.   
They’d been on this particular show before and knew the format, which was a relief. Leo especially liked that he knew what to expect.  
The show went smoothly. They talked about the comeback next week, about their individual schedules, and they did profiles. Now they were going to play a game.  
“Last time VIXX was with us we had them act out embarrassing scenes from our favourite dramas,” the male host said. “However, now that most of the members have acted out embarrassing scenes in their own work, we’ve decided to play one of the most popular games.”  
“It’s the kissing game!” the hosts shouted together, pulling out the two plates with paper lips on them.  
“Aaah,” Hyuk cries, seeing the game in a new light after finishing his drama filming. The members are laughing but N feels Leo freeze beside him. He’s annoyed that this game was chosen, especially since Leo had been having a good day.  
“Who’s going to be first?” the female host asks.  
“Leo,” N and Ravi say at the same time.  
“You guys have played this before?”  
“Yes.”  
They get in order, with Leo starting, then N, Hyuk, Ravi, Hongbin, Ken. They start out well, until Ravi and Hongbin get a piece stuck between them. After some chuckles and minor squealing from the hosts, they continue but the success rate drops from there as the members become more flustered. In the end they still get a good number of paper lips from one side to the other.  
“You guys did well,” the hosts say, leading the clapping.  
Things calm back down after, conversation returning to their comeback. Leo however is almost completely withdrawn, avoiding eye contact with the members and hosts. Ravi and N do their best to keep the attention off of him and Ken chips in too, displaying his many animal talents.  
“Good job today guys,” N says as the show ends. Ravi has to film his show so he leaves instantly, throwing Leo a worried look before hurrying away.   
When the five members get home Leo storms off to their room, slamming the door behind him as he goes. Ken, Hongbin and Hyuk throw N questioning looks but he shrugs back. The three of them turn on the TV and N slowly enters the bedroom.

Leo is on his bed, curled up sniffling. N knows he heard him enter but he isn’t acknowledged. He walks over and sits behind Leo, reaching out to tangle his fingers in his hair.  
“It’s okay,” he murmurs.  
Leo feels a little bit bad that he’s making N comfort him without knowing what for, and he fights back the urge to just sob again.   
Like Ravi, N has a feeling about what’s upsetting Leo, but he's unsure of how to go about bringing it up. He’s also nowhere near as certain about it as Ravi was.  
“Our comeback is next week,” N says, hoping to take Leo’s mind of whatever was bothering him.  
Leo nods.  
“I really like our new song.”  
“Me too.”  
It’s just a whisper, but it’s better than the tiny half-sobs.  
“The song you and Ravi made is going on the single, isn’t that cool?”  
“Mm.”  
Ravi and Leo had worked almost exclusively on that song for the last week, after being told that if it’s good enough it can go on the single with the song N and Hyuk had sung.  
“I’m surprised Ravi chose to sing rather than rap,” N mumbles. “It’s a nice song though.”  
“Yeah.”  
Leo clears his throat and N is happy to note that he’s stopped crying. They’re silent for several minutes, just N playing with Leo’s hair.  
“Hey, Leo?” N asks.  
Leo already dreads where this is going to go but he answers anyway. “What?”  
“Why did you start avoiding us a few months ago?”  
N feels Leo tense under his hand but keeps up his gentle ministrations. Leo lets out a huge breath after a while and N realises that he must have been holding it. Ravi had been encouraging him to tell N since he’d been found out by the rapper, but just the thought made him nervous.  
“Leo?” His voice is so gentle it’s barely above a whisper.  
“There were some comments online,” he blurts, surprising the both of them.  
“About?”   
“A-about me… seeming g-gay,” Leo stutters.  
He feels like a giant weight has been lifted off his chest. He knows it’s not a confession, not really, but N will read it that way, anyway.   
A lot of words tumble very quickly from Leo’s mouth. “Having a member being confirmed gay would bring the whole group down. So I thought if I didn’t seem as close with you guys then they wouldn’t have any reason to say stuff like that and VIXX wouldn’t be affected.”  
N’s hand had frozen in his hair and Leo was practically on the verge of panic. When he can’t stand the silence anymore Leo glances up at N.  
N looks pissed. It is as simple as that. In the one second it takes for Leo to see and acknowledge N’s anger, fear has begun to take over any rational thoughts. He’s days in VIXX are over. He’ll never be able to have a career in Korea again. The members will hate him forever for doing this to them. And so the thoughts went around.  
When N’s fingers move in his hair again, Leo expects pain. Instead he gets a sharp tug before they go back to being soothing.  
“You idiot,” N growls. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”  
The surprise on Leo’s face is comical, and N would have laughed if he hadn’t been so incredibly annoyed. “This isn’t even news worthy, you idiot. You’re an idiot, Leo.”  
Leo is frozen as N spends the next several minutes muttering ‘you idiot’ over and over.  
“I stressed over this so much! I was so fucking worried about you, you stupid idiot!”  
Leo’s on the verge of tears. Relief is coursing through him.   
“You really could have just told me from the very start.”  
That’s all it takes for the first sob to break in Leo’s chest. He curls in on himself, trying to hold in the sobs. N sighs and lays down beside him, draping an arm over his waist and resting his head on his arm, supporting himself on his elbow.  
“You’re crying a lot this year,” N says after a while, continuing to stroke Leo’s hair.  
Leo pushes his face further into the bed to hide.  
“It feels good though, doesn’t it?”  
Leo nods.

In the lounge room the three members are completely taken by surprise when the sobbing starts.  
“Is that Leo-hyung?” Hyuk whispers.   
“I think it is,” Ken whispers back.  
They’ve all seen Leo cry before. At awards ceremonies when all their hard work pays off, all the stress and relief just breaks its way out. Or when they found themselves having an emotional talk together. But they were always silent tears with maybe a shaky breath now and then. This was sobbing.  
The three members don’t know what to do. Hyuk’s throat feels tight. Ken’s breath is uneven. Hongbin’s eyes are prickling.  
“I hope he’s okay,” Hongbin whispers.

It’s really late when Ravi returns, or rather, it’s really early. It’s four o’clock and the sun is already threatening to make its appearance through the buildings.   
Despite how exhausted he is, Ravi checks on Leo before going to bed. It had bothered him all night and he hadn’t been able to concentrate on the filming at all, with other rappers calling him out a number of times.  
Leo is in his bed, spread out and tangled in his headphones. N, who normally sleeps against the other wall, is next to him, awake and eying Ravi.  
“Did he talk to you?” Ravi whispers.  
“Yeah,” N breaths back, knowing that Ravi was asking a lot more than just that. “We talked a lot.”  
Ravi nods and goes to bed, knowing that they had a full day of practice today.


	7. The Break

Chapter 7 – A Break

Three members watch on in absolute confusion as Ravi and N utterly coddle Leo during their entire promotion period. They’re always ready to answer the questions that Leo avoids or redirect the attention to another member when the teasing becomes too much.  
Hyuk, Hongbin and Ken don’t mind too much though, because Leo is always in a good mood these days. They’d honestly been scared of what might be going on when they’d heard him crying that night.  
“Aaah, it’s finally over,” N sighs after their final stage.  
They’d won a number of awards for this song and overall they were on a high. They could use a break though. Apparently their CEO thought the same thing, announcing that he was willing to send them somewhere.  
The members thank him but ask if they could just spend the week at home. The CEO agrees readily enough, though he’s a little disappointed they won’t be shooting another holiday show. He also suggested that they all go see their families during the week.  
Most of the members nod in agreement but Ravi is frowning at Leo. Last time they’d been given the opportunity to have time off, he’d wanted to go home to his family. This time he didn’t suggest it himself, and now that it was an option, he didn’t jump on board.   
Ravi’s frown deepened. Actually, now that he thought about it, when was the last time that he’d seen Leo on the phone with his parents or gone to visit his family? 

“N-hyung, are you going home?” Ravi asked N as they ate dinner.   
All of the members were sitting and eating together, something that didn’t happen as often now as it used to a few years ago, thanks to their schedules and general bad habits.  
“It’s too far,” N whines into his rice.  
“It’s not that far, if you stay for a few days,” Hongbin says.  
“But I want to spend time with you guys!”  
N had no drama filming this week, and he’d taken a break from his radio show just to feel like he was having a real break from work.   
“You guys are so lucky, coming from Seoul,” N continues to whine.  
Hyuk clears his throat and raises an eyebrow.  
“You don’t count, Hyukie, you still live too close.”  
Ken, Hyuk, Hongbin and N start discussing who is going home but Ravi was watching Leo. Leo was doing his best not to get involved in the conversation (weird considering he’d been making his best effort lately to be involved) and was picking at his food (extremely weird and also a little worrying in Ravi’s eyes).  
“Are you not going home, hyung?” Ravi asks Leo quietly while N continues to nag at his other members.  
Leo shakes his head and hastily gets some food into his mouth, probably hoping Ravi won’t ask questions if he thinks Leo can’t answer. His hope is for nothing though.  
“Did you have a fight with your family?”  
Leo’s eyes flash up to Ravi and then nervously flitter towards the members. Ravi understands everything from that one tiny glance.  
“I get it, hyung,” Ravi smiles softly. “Let’s talk about it later?”  
Leo nods and goes back to picking through the side dishes.  
“Ravi, are you going home?” Hongbin asks him suddenly.  
“Nah, I saw my family the other week.”  
“Yah, you should go see them,” N scolds.  
Ravi forces himself not to point out N’s hypocrisy. He wants to tell N to pay attention to his members’ feelings, to notice that something is going on with Leo. Ravi is starting to get annoyed at the leader but then he notices N peek worriedly at Leo during the clean-up. 

“Why don’t you three go to the convenience store and buy snacks?” N suggests when they were finished cleaning up dinner. Hyuk, Hongbin and Ken all look towards N with raised eyebrows, he rarely let them get snacks.   
“What about Ravi?” Ken asks, suspecting non-existent favouritism.   
“It’s his turn to choose the movie,” N informs them. “We all know how long that takes.”  
Ravi, who was sitting right there, opened his mouth to protest but closed it quickly, questioning himself. Did he really take that long to choose a movie?   
“Ugh, we’re going!” Ken cries.  
“We’ll even take our time,” Hyuk adds, putting on his shoes.  
The three of them are gone in a matter of seconds. N runs his fingers through his hair, his smile dropping, and his shoulders becoming tense.  
“Why aren’t you going to see your family?” he asks suddenly.  
Leo, who is sprawled on the couch, visibly tenses. Ravi, who is sitting on the floor in front of Leo, throws N a cautionary look. N, who hadn’t meant to approach the topic so head on, kicks himself.  
Ravi almost jumps in surprise when Leo’s arm suddenly drops down off the couch and over his shoulder. Ravi twines his fingers with the older man’s and squeezes.   
“They told me not to come back,” Leo whispers.  
Ravi moves instantly, pushing his way onto the couch and curling up with his hyung the best he can. N kneels at the end of the couch and threads his fingers into his friend’s hair.   
“Sorry,” N whispers, but Leo just shakes his head. Apology unnecessary.  
“It was a while ago, almost two years.”  
Ravi and N lock eyes, both thinking the same thing. How had they not noticed that? To Leo, his family was one of the most important things, it came before everything. For him to not be on good terms with them must had been incredibly hard. And yet they hadn’t noticed…  
“It’s okay, it’s mostly just my dad. I still talk to my mum sometimes, and my sisters give me updates on how they’ve been, so it’s not like I don’t talk to them at all.”  
“Just because you’re gay?” N asked softly.  
“Mm.”  
N gives a small tug on Leo’s hair. “You should have told me when it happened.”  
Leo’s eyes flash up and meet N’s. “You say that a lot.”  
“That’s because you never tell me anything!”  
“I’m glad you told us, hyung,” Ravi says. “You can tell us anything.”  
“You say that a lot,” Leo repeats with a sigh.  
Ravi lifts his head off of Leo’s arm to make eye contact with the older man. “That’s because I mean it.”  
After several seconds of continuous eye contact Leo’s cheeks begin to redden. Ravi smiles. “You’re really cute.”  
The pink tinge quickly morphs into a full blown blush, even his ears. Leo quickly sits up, pulling away from Ravi to fan himself and take a calming breath.  
“Stop teasing him,” N scolds, knocking Ravi on the head.  
Ravi grins and stands up. “Okay, fine. Now what movie should I choose?”


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 – Only For Work

On the first official day of their break, three of the members left. Hongbin and Ken had decided to spend the night with their families, and Hyuk was going to spend two so that the trip was worth it.   
With the two of the loudest members gone, it was quiet and peaceful and–  
“It’s so boring!” N cried for the tenth time since dinner.  
Leo was enjoying the time with just his music and Ravi was composing, only N was having trouble occupying himself… all day. Finally, after Leo begins whining about how noisy he is, N settles down to watch dance videos and catch up with what other groups were doing lately.

After lunch the following day N drags the two members from their self-imposed seclusion and to the table. “Let’s play truth or dare!” he suggests.  
Leo’s eyebrows shoot up and Ravi frowns. “With three people? Isn’t that boring?”  
“No, we’ll get to know each other again.”  
Both Ravi and Leo sigh, a lot of the time it’s easier to go along with the leader. “Fine.”  
N grins at his victory. “Leo, truth or dare?”  
“Dare.”  
“I dare you to make me tea.”  
Ravi and Leo blink at him. “You’re so boring, hyung,” Ravi mutters and Leo nods.  
“Just go make it.”  
Leo makes his way to the kitchen to make tea and Ravi takes his turn.

They play for almost two hours, usually lapsing into normal conversations about topics brought up in the questions than playing the actual game, which was half of N’s reason for wanting to play.   
“I have to pee and call Hongbinnie, you guys ask each other questions,” N says standing up.  
The two members stare after him for several seconds before Ravi sighs. “Hyung, truth or dare?”  
“Truth.”  
“How many relationships have you been in?”  
Leo’s eyes snap to his, wide with surprise. Leo had avoided questions like that so far, both when asked in private and when the group was talking about things like this. Leo feels his cheeks heat and claps his hands over them.  
“Well?” Ravi prompts, holding back his usual ‘you’re cute’ comment.  
“N-none,” Leo mutters.  
“What?” Ravi cries, actually surprised. He’d thought Leo must have dated at least once before debut. “Have you ever kissed anyone?”  
Leo’s cheeks get even redder. “Only for work.”  
Both of them are completely surprised when Ravi suddenly shoots forward and presses his lips to Leo’s. It’s really nothing more than a peck but both of them turn ridiculously red as they pull away.  
“What?”   
They jump and turn to the door. There is Ken. His mouth is open and his eyes are wide.  
“Hyung…Ravi…what?”  
A million different emotions are swirling through Leo, but for the most part he’s scared and confused. Ravi sees utter hurt in his eyes and in turn feels hurt. Leo gets to his feet impossibly fast and disappears into the bedroom just as quickly. The door slams shut behind him, drawing N from the bathroom, phone still pressed to his ear.  
“I’ll call you back in a minute, Binnie,” he says, hastily hanging up. “What happened?”  
Ravi, who feels both exhilarated and mortified, shakes his head. Ken points at Ravi and then at the bedroom door. “They were kissing!”  
“What?” N asks with a tone of disbelief as he walks forward to join them in the room.   
“They were kissing,” Ken repeats, quieter this time.  
N looks at the rapper with raised eyebrows. “Ravi?”  
Ravi looks up at N, his expression one of complete shock. “I-I didn’t, I didn’t mean to… It just happened, hyung. Why did I do that?”  
“Is Ravi gay?” Ken asks.  
Ravi shakes his head, “No.”  
“Is Leo-hyung gay?”  
Ravi and N make eye contact, both unsure of what to do. Ken sees though and gasps. “No way!”  
“Ken-ah,” N shushes him, worried about Leo. Ravi also gets defensive, surging to his feet, his own troubles forgotten for now.  
Their worries were for nothing however because Ken smiled. “Why didn’t he tell me?” he asked.   
When neither Ravi nor N answers him, Ken frowns. “Was he afraid of how we might react?”  
“I think he is, yes,” N replies.  
“Do any of the other members know?”  
“Only N-hyung and me,” Ravi supplies simply, still feeling a little defensive. “You better keep it to yourself, Ken.”  
Ken nods. “I will.” He glances at the bedroom door. “Should I go talk to him?”  
“I’ll go,” Ravi says instantly. It takes a second for his whole face to suddenly turn red and he sinks back to the floor. “Actually, N-hyung should go.”  
N gives Ravi a stern glance. “We’re talking about this later, Ravi-ah.”  
Ravi sighs and nods, watching N enter the bedroom.

After fleeing to the bedroom Leo had grabbed his headphones and let himself slide down the wall on the opposite side of the room. There, with his head on his knees and music blasting in his ears, he tried not to think about anything, to not let the questions and emotions bubble to the surface. He failed.  
He felt scared. What if Ken blurted to the world that he was gay? He could see it in the gossip headlines now. ‘VIXX Leo confirmed gay by members. Outcry from Starlights.’ Even his mother would probably stop talking to him after that.   
He felt confused. Why had Ravi gotten into this topic in the first place? What made Ravi do that? Was that what a real kiss felt like? When there were feelings involved?  
He felt embarrassed. What made him tell Ravi that he’d never dated anyone before? It was true, and it was embarrassing as hell. Why did he admit that he’d only ever kissed someone for work? It had been awkward and nerve-racking, but not necessarily bad.  
But most of all, he felt betrayed by Ravi. Ravi was taking advantage of the fact that Leo was gay, right? Ravi probably thought that Leo would kiss anybody that was a guy, right? Did Ravi do it just to tease him? Or was it a pity kiss? Why did that make him feel worse?  
Why did he have to like Ravi so much? Why?  
A tap on his shoulder scared him and Leo ripped the headphones from his head, looking up to see the leader standing above him.  
“Sorry, you didn’t hear me calling you,” N apologises, smiling sheepishly.  
N looks at Leo then, notes the pink face and the watery eyes, and his smile drops. N sighs and sits down next to his friend, wrapping and arm around his shoulders. A few silent tears escape Leo but he hastily wipes them away.  
“Ken’s okay with it, you know? He was actually kind of outraged that you didn’t tell him sooner,” N informs the singer. “Are you seeing a common theme here?”  
“He’s okay with it?” Leo repeats, mostly in disbelief.   
“Yep, barely batted an eye once he was over the initial shock.”  
Leo can’t believe how relieved he feels to hear those words. Ken was okay with it? Would Hongbin and Hyuk also be okay with it? Should he tell them? Maybe if he got Ravi to tell them?  
Leo hesitates, his cheeks heating as all of the swirling emotions resurface. “Did you talk to Ravi?”  
N smiles a little, thinking of how flustered Ravi had been. He’d rarely seen Ravi have trouble getting words out. “Not really. He was kind of surprised at himself, I think.”  
The younger member let his head drop into his arms again, still unsure of how he felt. “Was he using me?”  
N barely catches the words, and when they register he smacks Leo in the head. “How can you even ask that? Isn’t Ravi close with you? Don’t you know him better than that? Why would you ask that?”  
When Leo looks up, N feels his heart clench the way it always does when one of his members is upset. Leo is crying now. It’s the kind of silent crying you wouldn’t be able to detect unless you were staring at his face. It was the same type of crying that caused the pillow stains N and the other members had pretended not to see more than once.  
N feels his eyes prickle but refuses to cry. Instead he reaches out and brushes away the other member’s tears. “I think Ravi is just as confused and hurt about this as you are,” N says honestly. “Tonight I’ll talk to Ravi, and we’ll sort all of this out, okay?”  
Leo nods a little and once again returns his head to his arms.  
“Do you want me to stay here?” N asks gently.  
When Leo shakes his head N isn’t surprised in the least. “Okay, text me if you want me to come back.”  
N pats the other member’s head and then exits the room, briefly leaning against the door and sighing. N knows somehow that Leo likes Ravi. It was the only thing that would explain why he was taking it so incredibly hard. It must be hard, N thinks to himself, to like someone in the same group as you.  
“This dorm was turning into the set of a drama,” he mutters, getting out his phone to call Hongbin back and see how far away from home he is.


	9. Was it hot?

Chapter 9 – Was it hot?

“Are you going to talk to me so we can fix this or not?” N asks Ravi the day after the kiss incident occurred.   
“I’ll fix it myself, hyung.”  
Ravi is only half paying attention to the conversation. He’s got a song forming in his head. The lyrics. The melody. It’s good.  
“You know that would involve talking to Leo, yeah?”  
Ravi tries to ignore his heating cheeks at the mention of the shy main vocal. He fails.  
“You’re blushing like Leo does,” N tells him.  
N is leaning against the wall in Ravi’s room, legs stretched out in front of him, waiting patiently for Ravi to fess up. He had been for over an hour now…  
“Just tell me why you kissed him.”  
Ravi groans, fingers typing furiously, trying not to lose the song.  
“I told you I don’t know yesterday.”  
N scowled at the other member. At four o’clock Hongbin had made his return. Ravi had seen it as an opportunity and stuck by him all night, knowing that N wouldn’t talk about this with Kong there. Ravi had done his best to avoid N all night and Leo had done his best to avoid everybody. When N had announced that it was time for everybody to go to bed and cautiously entered the bedroom, Leo had already had his eyes closed in bed.  
Ravi decides he’s got the gist of the song down and turns to stare at the leader. “I really don’t know.”  
“Do you like him?”  
N is just as surprised by the straightforwardness of the question as Ravi is. He doesn’t retract it though, instead he raises his eyebrows and waits.  
“I don’t know,” Ravi replies honestly.   
He really didn’t know if he liked Leo. Was how he liked Leo different to how he liked the other members? He supposed it was, but he’d always thought that it was simply because he was closer to Leo than the other members.  
“Do you like men?”   
Once again they’re surprised at the question.  
“I-I don’t know.”  
This time it’s a lie. Ravi has always known that he was attracted to men as well as women, he’d just never acted on it before. It was easier and more acceptable if he dated women. He knew he was attracted to Leo, was there anyone who wasn’t? Maybe he shouldn’t voice that question in public.  
“You do, don’t you?” N demands.  
Ravi tries to hold in a glare but fails. “You push too hard, hyung. That’s why Leo won’t talk to you, you know?”  
N glares back, he couldn’t deny it but he could still be offended.   
“So, do you?”  
“Ugh, hyung!”  
“Just tell me!”  
“Okay! Yes, I do like men as well as women.”  
A triumphant grin stretches across N’s face. Ravi crosses his arms over his chest and closes his laptop. “You really don’t know when to leave things alone,” he says.  
N’s smile softens and he squeezes Ravi’s arm. “Sorry. Should we get dinner ready? I don’t think Leo will cook for us today either.”  
Ravi purses his lips. “What am I going to do about Leo-hyung?”  
“He’s pretty much convinced himself that you were somehow using him, so I think the sooner you sort this out, the better.”  
“Using him?” Ravi asks, panic in his voice. “Why? How?”  
“I don’t know.”  
Ravi groans, hating himself. He decides what to do in a second. “I’m going to go talk to Leo-hyung.”  
“I think he’s asleep,” N tells him but doesn’t attempt to stop him. N sighs to himself. “I guess that means I’m doing the cooking again tonight.”

Leo wakes up from the fingers soothingly brushing through his hair. It bothers him just a little that he knows the difference between N’s fingers and Ravi’s. Slowly he opens his eyes and meets Ravi’s gaze.  
“I want to talk to you,” Ravi whispers.  
“Why are you whispering?” Leo asks, his sleepy voice not much louder.  
“I think Ken is outside the door, listening in.”  
Ken had seen Ravi heading for the bedroom door and gotten excited. He’d been holding up and hadn’t told Hongbin a thing despite Hongbin asking why Leo and Ravi weren’t talking.  
“N told me that you told him that you said that you thought I was using you,” Ravi bursts out, catching Leo by surprise.   
“Whoa,” Leo mutters, sitting up. “What did you just say?”  
Ravi took a breath to calm himself. “N said you thought I was using you.”   
“You aren’t?”  
“I’m not. I would never do that to you.”  
Leo actively avoids Ravi’s attempt at eye contact. “Then why did you, w-why did you k-kiss me?”  
The nervous laugh that escapes from Ravi’s lips is very un-Ravi, Leo decides. He doesn’t like it. His hand is already half extended towards Ravi’s when he realises that maybe it wasn’t the time for skinship. Ravi, however, noticed and meets Leo halfway, cupping his hyung’s hand in both of his.  
“I don’t know why I kissed you, I really don’t. I didn’t think about it. I just did it.”  
Ravi’s heart is pounding in his chest, watching Leo’s thumb brush over his hand. He’d almost talked himself into confessing when he decided it was a bad idea. What if Leo didn’t feel the same way and it created trouble for the group? What if Leo did feel the same way but it created trouble in the future? The happiness of the group was more important to Ravi than his own happiness.  
“I like you,” Leo whispers completely out of nowhere.  
“I like you too,” Ravi blurts as quickly as he can.  
They sit there, avoiding eye contact and practically glowing due to their blushing. When Ravi does look up the first thing he notices is that Leo is covering his face with his free hand. The second thing he notices is the tiny smile on Leo’s lips.  
Slowly, so that Leo can pull away if he so wishes, Ravi reaches over and removes his hand from his face. Heart pounding, and more nervous than he’d ever been with any girl, Ravi leans forward and presses his lips to Leo’s.  
It’s short and sweet, but it’s enough for Leo to feel a little overwhelmed and pull away.  
“It’s okay, hyung,” Ravi murmurs, fixing Leo’s fringe. “We can take it as slow as you want.”  
Leo nods. “Okay.”  
The door suddenly opening has the pair of them scrambling away from each other like teenagers caught by a parent.   
“Did you talk?” It’s N. Of course it is. He can’t help himself.  
Leo and Ravi nod and Leo tries to wipe the smile from his face.  
“Hyuk just got back and dinner is ready.”  
“Okay,” Ravi replies, clearing his voice. “We’ll be there in a second.”  
“Got it,” N says with a knowing smile.  
When the door closes Leo and Ravi look at each other. Both of them are embarrassed. Both of them are surprised. Both of them are a bit excited about suddenly being in this situation.   
Leo bites his lip briefly before reaching up to pull Ravi closer, their lips meeting in their third ever kiss. This too is barely more than a peck but Ravi is practically elated that Leo had initiated it at all.  
“Let’s go eat dinner,” Leo breathes as he pulls back.  
Ravi nods and they head out to the table.

Hyuk is talking with Ken and Hongbin when they emerge and N is setting the last dish on the table. At the unspoken cue they all sit down at the table and start eating, thanking N for the food. He nags at them to help him more, but he had banned both Hongbin and Ken from the kitchen after the ‘burnt ramyeon’ incident soon after debut.  
Throughout the meal Leo can’t stop his eyes from drifting to Ravi, and Ravi’s do the same. N is withholding a smile and focusses on devouring his food.   
Hongbin nudges Hyuk towards the end of their meal and hides a smile. Hyuk also smiles.  
“Hyung,” he murmurs as he leans across the table to Leo. “Was it hot?”  
Leo looks absolutely scandalised as he turns the brightest red he’s ever been. Ravi also ducks his head as the other members begin laughing. The glare N gives Ken is only short-lived as Ken claps his hands together and bows in apology. It had taken him less than a day to tell Hongbin, and Hyuk had only been home for twenty minutes.  
Catching sight of Leo after the laughter has died down, Ravi can’t resist. “You’re so cute, hyung.”  
Leo hides his face. “Shut up.”


	10. You're so Cute

Chapter 10 (Epilogue) – You’re so Cute

“Mrs. Jung,” Hyuk exclaims in surprise after pulling open the door. It was late Thursday morning, they’d finished the filming for a variety show at five and had been given the rest of the day off. It was extremely rare that a member’s family came to the dorm, and only one of Leo’s sisters had ever shown up here before.  
Surprise spreads through the room and Leo shoots to his feet. A number of emotions flitter across his face before he settles on confused. Ravi touches his arm to comfort him, but Leo doesn’t notice.  
By now the group knew about everything Leo had been going through, including the situation with his family. They’d all agreed to keep it within the group, not even their manager knew.  
“Is my son here?” Mrs. Jung asks.  
Hyuk nods and lets her in.  
“Mum,” Leo mutters as she enters the room.  
He hasn’t seen her in two years and he’s suddenly reliving the fight he had with his father. Against his will his head drops and tears begin to flow. She rushes forward and brushes his hair from his face.  
“Let’s wait in the other room,” N suggests.  
He practically drags Ravi from the room and the others follow quietly.  
“Why are you here?” Leo asks quietly when he’s calmed down.  
“We want you to come home.”  
Leo doesn’t understand in the slightest. “What do you mean?”  
“We want you to come see us again, like you used to,” Mrs. Jung says simply.  
“I…But dad…” Leo’s unsure of what words to use.  
The fight he’d had with his father had been enormous. One of his sisters had slipped up when he’d visited for dinner and ended up telling their father that he was gay.  
“We’ve changed his mind… and he misses you.”  
Leo let’s his head fall back and takes a deep breath, torn over what to do. He misses his mother, he misses his sisters and their kids, and he even misses his father despite the hurtful words. His father’s words were words born from ignorance, and fear over what this would mean for his only son if it got out. He knew his father just wanted him to be happy and safe.  
“I’ll think about it,” Leo finally says.  
His mother looks a tiny bit disappointed but nods her understanding. “When… If you do come, is there someone you want to bring?”  
Leo is so surprised by the question his mouth opens a little. “Someone I want to bring?” he asks when he recovers.  
“Like a… boyfriend or something?”  
“I-I… yeah,” Leo stutters.  
The smile on his mother’s face makes him think that she’s genuinely happy for him and he feels himself smile back, cheeks slowly turning pink.  
“There is,” he continues.  
“Is it Ravi?”  
Something in the bedroom falls over and Leo’s cheeks flame. “Yeah,” he whispers, biting his lip.  
Mrs. Jung withholds a grin at her son’s awkwardness and instead asks. “Are you busy today?”  
Leo shakes his head.  
“Do you want to go get coffee?”  
He hadn’t been allowed to have coffee for almost a month now, what with another comeback on its way. Leo nods eagerly and they start for the door.  
“Are you coming, Ravi, or not?” Mrs. Jung asks loudly.  
The bedroom door opens and Ravi comes stumbling out, obviously having been pushed from the room. A number of ‘Ravi, fighting’s follow before the door slams shut again.  
“Y-yeah,” Ravi says, gathering himself and fixing his shirt.  
“Good, let’s go.”  
Mrs. Jung leads the way from the apartment with Leo and Ravi following closely, fingers brushing every now and then as they walk together, and smiles on their lips. Ravi’s cheeks are bright red still as they enter the elevator and his nervousness is obvious.  
Leo reaches up and fixes Ravi’s hair. “You’re so cute.”


End file.
